Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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