even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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