8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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