1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
