do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
