He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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