The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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