fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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