i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
