im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
