two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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