At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
