I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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