Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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