Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Enjoy the penises
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
