i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
