So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
