I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
