This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
