its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
