two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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