i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
