Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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