Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
