3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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