If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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