well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
