Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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