There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
