Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
