Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
