I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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