I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
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I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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