New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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