Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
