You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
