I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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