i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
