whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh god the rape fog is back!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
