What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
