Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
