where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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