Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
