Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
