ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
