No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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