Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
only you would photoshop your dick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
