dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
