this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We are all done wearing pants today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
