oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize