don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
