The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
