New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
