The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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