If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
PANTIES FOUND
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