Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
