you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
