youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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