Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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