saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
