I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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