you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
